


this balance has weighed out our heart's desire

by nsrocds



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: F/F, F/M, M/M, Multi, Other, Polyamory, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Queerplatonic Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-21
Updated: 2015-06-21
Packaged: 2018-04-05 09:41:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,584
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4175064
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nsrocds/pseuds/nsrocds
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>it was only natural, really, how all of it happened. after all they'd been through, it wasn't hard to believe how everything fell into place.</p>
            </blockquote>





	this balance has weighed out our heart's desire

**Author's Note:**

> title is from "attention" by the academy is...

it was only natural, really, how all of it happened. after all they'd been through, it wasn't hard to believe how everything fell into place.

* * *

 

steve and bucky, it was inevitable that they'd end up there.

(they'd been there before. some things don't change)

* * *

 

"oh my god. this is so good," maria mumbled around a mouthful of macaroni and cheese. "you're literally a god."

sam raised an eyebrow skeptically. "it's mac and cheese from a box. i doubt it's all that good."

"this is the first actually cooked food i've eaten in... years, probably." she shrugged. "food is honestly such a low priority."

"what do you eat, then?" sam didn't think she could actually be serious.

maria dramatically sighed, letting her head fall back on the couch. "i used to subsist on only shield cafeteria food and coffee. now that i work for pepper, i get takeout that lasts a few nights and reheat the leftovers. when i eat dinner at all."

"can't you cook?"

"oh, hell no," maria scoffed. "i can't use a stove to save my life." she sat up a bit, taking on an old lady voice. "oh, maria, if you don't learn how to cook, you'll never find yourself a good husband. men don't like women who can't take care of them." she reverted back to her normal voice. "fuck off, abuela."

sam chuckled. "i'm sure your primary concern right now is getting hitched."

that actually made maria laugh. "i don't even know if thats legal here. besides, it's not like i have any security organizations to fix."

"well, if you ever want to come over, i will be more than willing to make you something to eat. box mac and cheese really isn't hard."

she pointed her fork at him, nodding. "like i said. a god."

* * *

 

"what about sam?" natasha asked, totally out of the blue. her feet rested in steve's lap, where they sat on his couch.

steve raised an eyebrow. "you are not trying to set me up with sam. that is not happening right now."

"could it happen in the future?" she shifted her head so it was more comfortable. "because, honestly, the way you two act around each other-"

"no. you're not setting me up with sam."

"i'm just saying, it would be good for you to get a date. help you loosen up."

"right, and you're such a prime example of a healthy dating life?"

natasha smiled, getting up off the couch. "i’m doing so much better than you. don't forget, you said you'd feed clint's dog tomorrow." she threw a wave over her shoulder before exiting, leaving steve feeling like he'd been played.

* * *

 

no one predicted how well bucky would take to sam.

sam didn't know who he had been before the winter soldier. sam wasn't his childhood friend, or ex-lover, or the scary shield agent who certainly could and probably would kill him. sam was the nice guy who had smiled at him, who hadn't treated him like a monster or like glass.

bucky didn't trust him straight off, of course, but there was something about sam that made him hard to distrust. he was funny, smart, and determined. he always seemed to know what to do (or, if he didn't, he kept a level head).

plus, he was just straight-up funny. that was nice.

* * *

 

sharon really only kept sleeping with maria because it was fun. she really didn't need to get involved in any more romantic endeavors, which she had told maria straight up. maria agreed. so they didn't worry about it.

maria was fond of pointing out that they were only halfway breaking shield regulations. the rules prohibited "relationships," but wasn't friendship also technically a relationship? therefore, everyone was breaking that rule, and it didn't matter that they were breaking it slightly differently.

maria liked sharon, but they were always agents first. she didn't have the time or desire to make a mess of things. sharon was a good influence to have around, since she was actually professional about her assignments, unlike certain pissy, full-of-themselves captains she could name (steve never really got over the "neighbor" thing. it was kind of funny).

* * *

 

steve actually took natasha's advice, even though he was certain she was tricking him somehow (he didn't know how but. she was doing it).

sam was a nice guy, and steve would be lying if he said he didn't find him attractive. steve was not a prude, by any stretch, and he was pretty sure sam was flirting with him. not even subtly. but he didn't know if things were different now, and he wasn't willing to risk sam's friendship by misinterpreting.

but there was only so much a person could take of blatant come-ons before making a move.

"dinner, saturday?" steve asked casually, trying to not sound as totally into sam as he actually was.

"dude, we eat dinner together like, always."

"no, as in a date kind of thing. if you want."

sam looked him up and down critically. "who am i to say no to captain america?"

the date went terribly. some dick with fake powers tried to burn down the restaurant, and steve was forced to kick their ass. but they agreed to take another crack at it next weekend.

* * *

 

there were days when bucky only spoke russian. he didn't mean to, but there were days when everything was just so much, and he didn't know how to deal with any of it. that's when he most appreciated having natasha around. she had shared life experience that no one else did. she was always willing to translate for him, even though jarvis could have done it (and was he ever insistent about offering).

he knew that natasha didn't always trust him, and he knew he deserved it. he had tried to kill her, probably more times than he remembered. she wasn't the kind of person who trusted easily, which he also understood.

but, against everything they'd both been taught, she seemed to like him. she helped him, like he would have helped her had their situations been reversed.

he was hesitant around her for a long time. but she made an effort to involve herself with his life, and he found that he wanted her to. she insisted, time after time, that she wasn't real, that she was just a facade, put there by the red room. she didn't talk like that around anyone else. just him, when they were alone.

bucky didn't believe that, couldn't believe that. she was a person, a real person, just like he was. they'd both gone through hell and come out alive.

and honestly, he needed that.

* * *

 

natasha was totally fucking with steve. he was just so... oblivious. not as naive as everyone made him out to be, and definitely not stupid, but there was enough he didn't know that the opportunities were just too good to give up.

he didn't get most of her movie references. he was totally out of the loop when it came to pop culture. he didn't know that when she tried to set him up with the nice nurse who lived across the hall that she hoped he wouldn't go through with it, because the "nurse" was actually her girlfriend.

sharon and natasha had met when sharon first came to shield, and natasha was assigned to be her so. that didn't last long, since sharon proved more capable in shooting things than sneaking, but they remained friends, then more than friends, for years.

natasha didn't mind that they ended up dating anyways. the look on his face when he found out made it all worth it.

* * *

 

it was sharon who first realized what was going on. "holy shit. nat. nat, wake up." she poked natasha in the side repeatedly until she woke up.

"is everything okay?" it wasn't a nightmare, natasha knew that. sharon's nightmares looked different.

"no, yeah, everything's fine. i just realized something."

oh, goody.

"so i know we agreed to not talk about any other partners we may have, but can we suspend that rule real quick?"

what the hell. "okay, why not? i want to hear this."

sharon sat up, turning to natasha. "i'm sleeping with maria, and i know the two of you are at least doing that. right?"

natasha nodded.

"and maria and sam are... actually, i have no idea what the hell they're doing, but it's something. sam is dating steve, who i am dating, and you are platonically involved with. steve and bucky are dating in a weird 40s way. actually, i think bucky and sam and steve are all dating each other. somehow. and bucky is more than friends with you.”

natasha considered. as far as she knew, everything sharon had said was true. "yeah, okay. what's your point?"

"the six of us are basically involved in the most complicated polyamorous relationship ever."

oh. shit.

* * *

 

there comes a point of no return, where you’ve been through enough that you’re bonded for life. some people form friendships, some get married, some hate each other. but there’s the tipping point that you cross and can’t come back from.

the six of them survived the fall of shield, the subsequent battle, and the loss that came after. they had all lost someone, and rebuilding trust would take time. you didn’t make it far as a shield agent without a healthy distrust of everyone.

but it was easier to do when you had friends by your side.


End file.
